Soapwatch with JACI STEPHEN: A double dose of explosive passion

EMMERDALE

There are many ingenious ways in which Soapland brings couples together, from a drink and a bag of crisps to bonding over shared knowledge of crime. 

Or just because time and place present the opportunity – haylofts and the cricket pavilion being Emmerdale‘s most popular.

The village has come up with yet another, albeit rather gratuitous, way, but it’s great fun nonetheless. 

This time it’s an online murder mystery convention, and Liam has been nominated for an award for his work in the magazine Murder Most Murky. 

Who knew that lurking beneath that stethoscope was a writer of fiction? Still, he revealed his killer instincts when he pushed Meena off the bridge. 

When Wendy, who has kindly tweaked his masterpieces, prepares a Champagne celebration at the surgery (that well-known party venue), they’re caught up in the moment when Anna Le Monde (Liam’s pseudonym) wins Murder Most Murky New Crime Writer Of The Year. 

Ah, there’s nothing like a man’s success to get a woman’s emotional juices flowing. 

Eventually, Liam can contain his passion no longer and kisses his muse, who responds in full. 

Fair play to Wendy, striking while the printing presses are still hot. Dr Liam is a good catch. Not so sure about Liam the writer…

What does this mean for her relationship with Bob? 

No worries there. He’s busy getting hot and heavy with Bernice, confessing he finds her beautiful, but rejecting her drunken attempt to kiss him. 

Come on, mate – you topped up her wine! That’s an open invitation in Emmerdale! 

With Bob and Wendy reignited, though not by each other, expect explosions. Somebody had better sweep up the cricket pavilion.

 I sense another maiden over coming on.

There’s no such activity for Gabby, as Caleb pushes Nicky to persuade her to bring the wedding forward. 

How? By telling her no sex until they are married. Good luck with that.

Bob (Tony Audenshaw) is busy getting hot and heavy with Bernice (Samantha Giles), confessing that he finds her beautiful, but then rejecting her drunken advances 

 EASTENDERS 

If Stacey thought Lily getting pregnant was her biggest problem, she has another think coming. 

Her appearance at school causes a stir among pupils who have access to her Secret Cam page, and it’s not long before Lily hears of it and outs a mortified Stacey to her family. 

Let’s see how long it is before Stacey’s Baps make it onto the front page of the Walford Gazette – or Page Three.

It doesn’t bode well for Stacey at the parents’ committee, where she wastes no time sharing some home truths with the judgmental parents. 

On Eastenders, Stacey (Lacy Turner) wastes no time sharing some home truths with judgemental parents  at the parents’ committee

It’s reminiscent of that old country hit song Harper Valley PTA, in which the mother of a teenager is criticised and then goes on to roast the other parents at a meeting. 

Well, sort of. You could write Stacey’s linguistic skills on a postage stamp, but she’s certainly captured the fighting spirit, if not the articulation.

Jean is struggling with her daughter’s antics, which is a bit rich from a woman who waded into the sea in her wedding dress in a bid to kill herself. There’s relief from Bapgate when Lola comes home and Jay reaches out to Reverend Mills to share her outlook on death. 

Oh, that’s bound to cheer up a depressed Lola. Not. This has gone on long enough. Please stop.

Light relief finally comes at The Vic’s quiz. First question: who’s the Christmas corpse?

Phil’s fatherly advice to Ben

EastEnders’ Ben has had a lot to deal with in life, not least having a psycho for a dad. But is Phil about to step up? Max Bowden (Ben) is optimistic about Phil trying to reason with Ben about Lola, the mother of Ben’s daughter Lexi.

‘Phil’s advice, and the resonance from their conversation about Peggy, hits home,’ says Max. ‘There’s so much selfishness from Ben in relation to his childhood and that lack of understanding has got him nowhere. It’s time for a bit of looking outside the box.’

CORONATION STREET: Paul’s day in Court finally arrives

When will Adam realise Dee-Dee doesn’t do any real work – and that she’s incompetent at the little she does do? Paul’s day in court arrives and, of course, Dee-Dee is by his side. 

But will he come clean about his Motor Neurone Disease diagnosis? Unbeknown to Paul, Billy’s also there, after confessing his worries about Paul to… you’ve guessed it, Dee-Dee. Who’s paying for this? 

Paul has no money, and Adam’s business has one client. Small wonder the firm is going under.

On Coronation Street, Paul (Peter Ash) arrives at court and of course, Dee Dee ( Channique Sterling-Brown) is by his side. But will he come clean about his Motor Neurone Disease diagnosis?

The arrival of Brian’s cousin Isabella promises to lift the mood that has been somewhat gloomy of late. When Glenda tries to talk to her about Italy, Isabella ignores her. Normally an impossible task, unless you resort to Bose headphones.

Mary is rightly suspicious, and when Isabella tells Brian she cannot return to Naples because her flat has subsidence, Mary might have to put her detection skills to full use. 

Will she suss the culprit when Isabella glues George’s model ship to the table, and a revenge attack on Brian’s ship results in neither man being able to take part in the forthcoming model-making competition?

Faye’s departure day arrives, when she leaves with Jackson and Miley. Thank goodness. It’s been the most heavily orchestrated escape since God helped Moses part the Red Sea for the Israelites.